Yesterday I did too much and I have been in more pain today. As a result, I’ve had a rest day. But as I got up from resting in bed and experienced pain, I got a little scared; afraid I’ll slip back into intense pain. Instantly, I had a sense of the Lord’s message. I haven’t been praying for my healing because now that I’m on the healing slope, I just figure it’ll always get better. I’m not being desperate and depending upon Him. I’m just assuming it’ll get better and better.
I need to continue to call upon Him and depend upon Him and acknowledge that He is the one who is doing it. It’s not just a matter of God puts it in motion and then leaves it to run its course. He continues working but could it be, His working is dependent upon our prayers and our dependence upon Him?
My lack of interest in continuing to seek Him speaks of my… hm, could it be pride? Anything not dependent upon God is pride. It’s being dependant upon myself. In this case, there could be a part of not asking that says, “Well, if I just do it right, then I’m guaranteed continuing healing. If I don’t sit too much. If I pay attention to my body’s warning signs. If I be in charge, then I can make sure it happens.”
Oh, how easily pride slips in. When I’m desperate for God’s healing because my pain is intense, I’m humbling myself and saying, “It’s up to you, Lord, please help me. I can’t do it myself.”
But along comes some relief and some healing, and now it’s up to me. “I’ll do it right and then my healing will continue.” Hmmm, very interesting. Oh, the subtle but deceptive ways we humans slide into sin and self protection.
Father God, I am dependent and desperate for your hand of healing. I know that it is you who has been healing me. Your healing has been striking because of its quickness. I’m so grateful. And yet, I’ve grown lax in seeking You for it’s continuation. So now, I plead with You to continue this process. Yes, guide me not to do too much but You could heal me instantly regardless. I won’t be careless Lord but I know it’s up to you. Please bring complete healing. I’m desperate for You and Your touch. I love you, Lord.”