I bent forward wrong yesterday and I’m finding that I’m feeling like since I didn’t do it right, since I made the mistake, I’m not worthy of God’s healing. The tortillas fell out of the refrigerator (we got take out from Las Casuelas for Valentine’s Day yesterday), and I just didn’t want to call Larry over to help or go get the grabber. I thought, “I can do this. I ‘ll just do deep knee bending to grab it.” But oh, when I did, I knew I had done something wrong. Although not painful, I felt my spine bend. And more pain went down my leg than before. I’d hurt myself on Thursday doing too much in preparation for the cleaning lady. Especially, I think, carrying Larry’s book bag to the office. I did feel more specific pain in my leg because of it. So by Sunday, I still hadn’t recovered from the Thursday setback.
As I journaled how I was feeling, I wrote,
Since I hurt myself yesterday, I’m recognizing something inside me that says, “Since you did it wrong, praying for God’s healing isn’t as effective. If you do it right, God can answer. But since you did it wrong, well, then, God isn’t obligated to do His part. He is only obligated to do His part if you do your part and don’t do something stupid.”
Oh, Lord, this is really strong. I’m crying. But the truth is, I don’t deserve any healing or anything good from you. Anything you do for me is totally out of your graciousness and mercy. It has nothing to do with me. I’m your daughter and yes, it’s important for me to cooperate and not squander the progressyou’ve given me, but every blessing is a gift, not earned. Thank you, Lord.”
After I realized what was going on, I felt such a relief and God’s peace was so real. And I’m thankful that I’ve returned to my pre-yesterday condition. Just one Alleve handles the pain.
Isn’t it wonderful that all of God’s gifts are by His grace and not earned?