Larry and I were in Seattle to take care of three-year-old Raphael (grandson) while daughter and son-in-law looked for a house to buy. Because of my back problem, I couldn’t lift Raffi so Larry and I were a team in caring for the little guy. And boy, was I shocked to see “old” micro-managing tendencies rear their ugly head after so many years since our children were small.
When Larry would care for Raffi as I watched, I wanted to say (and did say in the beginning), “Well, do it this way….” Very quickly it was as if we were transported back three decades when I told Larry how to care for our children in areas where there were lots of options. Yet, because I did it a certain way, I felt it was the only way. I regret to say that it was a long time into our parenting journey before I could recognize those “micro-managing” ways as wrong. And sad to say, in some ways, it had already done it’s damage. Larry didn’t want to care for the children and I wondered why. Duh! Hello! I had communicated that he couldn’t please me so why even try.
So, as I flashed back and was stopped in my tracks to see the same pattern emerging, I started keeping my mouth shut! As a result, Larry and Raffi were bonded as never before. It was wonderful to see.
Darcy and Doug told us at one point that in the hotel room, Raffi stood at the window by the door looking out, lamenting, “Oh, Poditt” (his name for his grandpa–don’t ask why–it’s complicated.) He was yearning to be with his grandpa.
I hope my old ways are cured now. There are still many years to come of us interacting with Raffi. And for most things, there are many ways to do it. I’m going to let Raffi experience his “Poditt’s” way.