I’m so pleased to recommend and offer a drawing for the new book by Deb and Ron DeArmond called Don’t Go To Bed Angry; Stay Up and Fight. Isn’t that a fascinating title? Here’s an interview with Deb and Ron. And be sure to check at the end of my post for how you can put your name into the drawing to win a copy! 

1. So, why this book? There are plenty of counselors and therapists, along with clergymen who have tackled the topic of marital conflict.  What are your qualifications?

We beat the odds. We married at 19, and 40+ years later, we are a very happy couple. We’re not immune to conflict, but we’ve learned how to let it change us together as a couple. But it wasn’t a quick process.

The “rules” for dealing with our differences surfaced over time after a difficult interaction when we prayed for forgiveness—from one another—and from God. “It really hurt when you . . .” or “I was fine up until you . . .” The debrief was important to help us understand when the conflict stopped being healthy and took on a destructive tone.

We discovered two primary truths: if you have to fight, fight fair. And even more essential: be clear about who the enemy is—and isn’t. 

When conflict arises between husband and wife, our awareness must be heightened, and we must be on the alert: we have a difference, but we’ve been given the weapons of warfare to fight together against the enemy’s attack and resist the temptation to turn on one another.

2. You researched the topic of marital conflict thoroughly. What did you learn?

    Regardless of our spiritual values and beliefs, nearly everyone experiences conflict. The majority believe it’s inevitable but has a potential upside. When handled well, conflict helps them grow together, as a healthy way to gain insight and understanding of the others’ perspective. The challenge is that couples experience damaging and sometimes destructive outcomes.

    3. What are the issues that create conflict most often?

    The big three are communication issue, finances, and disagreement about how to raise the kids. True for both groups we surveyed – those of faith, and those without. Closely behind were dissatisfaction with the sexual relationship and lack of affection.

    4. Any surprises?

    The biggest surprise was how few Christian couples used their spiritual values and beliefs to deal with conflict. Many responded that seldom or never do those foundational truths play a role. Because the Bible provides us guidelines for conduct, this seemed rather stunning. 

    5. What does Don’t Go To Bed Angry offer your readers?

    We believe conflict is not the real problem. It’s how we deal with the conflict that is important. It can lead to discovery—greater insight and understanding of thoughts, feelings, and perspective. But if handled poorly, it can lead to damage, and ultimately, destruction. When we shoot from the hip, we both may walk away wounded.

    Tweet this: We believe conflict is not the real problem. It’s how we deal with the conflict that is important.–Deb and Ron DeArmond

    The question: how do we align our communication with the Word of God in our marriages? Are we communicating in love? Or as the prosecuting attorney—under the law? Don’t Go to Bed Angry examines the characteristics of each of these approaches, and will provide practical tools to help—whatever the condition of the relationship might be.

    From Kathy: I love this book. It is practical, motivational, and encouraging. I’m sure it will strengthen your marriage and all your relationships.

    To put your name into the drawing to win a free copy, post a comment here or email me: Kathyspeak AT gmail DOT com. I’ll announce the winner Wednesday June 22nd. 

    Deb DeArmond is known as a relationship and conflict-resolution expert, dedicated to helping others build successful solutions to the challenges they face at home and work. Family dynamics are her passion and her books focus on marriage, children, and extended family relationships.  Her work has been featured in several magazines and she is a monthly columnist and feature writer for Lifeway’s Mature Living.

    Ron DeArmond has served in ministry positions with Christian Men’s Network and Faithful Men Ministry and has taught men’s curriculum internationally. He is currently the associate pastor of men’s ministry at Catch the Fire/DFW. 
    Ron and Deb have been married for more than 40 years and live in the Fort Worth, TX area.
    Find Don’t Go to Bed Angry at: DGTBA
    Learn more about Deb and her books: Family Matters  (debdearmond.com)

    Connect with her on Facebook: Deb DeArmond