I love to feature an important book each month for a book drawing. This month the book is “Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated” by Linda W. Rooks. Read below to find out how to enter the drawing. (The drawing is closed. Kim is the winner of Linda’s book)

Here’s an excerpt to whet your appetite. Even if you’re not separated, I think you’ll find this will strengthen your marriage.

Finding Power in Positive Words

by Linda W. Rooks

Early in my husband’s and my separation, I realized how my negative words had hurt our marriage. By reading marriage books and applying them to our fractured relationship, I became more sensitive to my husband’s needs and my deficiency in responding to them. Although I tried to be kind and thoughtful in my conversation, I began to understand that a relationship requires not only kindness and thoughtfulness, but also words that express sensitivity to the person’s specific needs. Consequently, I started to recognize that my husband needed more affirmation from me. He needed my approval—even my admiration at times—to fuel the love reservoir that kept our relationship alive.

As I thought back on our early marriage, I knew these were the kinds of words I had given him back then. What changed? It was a slow unraveling, and I believe the same downhill slide that happened to us occurs in many other marriages as well.

During the demands of everyday family life, verbal exchanges can easily shift from fostering a relationship to fostering a routine.  We may lose the sense of our mate’s personal needs and focus on responsibilities instead. Our spouse becomes our partner in solving problems and fulfilling responsibilities rather than a person who needs the appreciation we may have lavished on them when we were dating or first married.

If you want to begin speaking encouraging words to your spouse, you may first need to reacquaint yourself with who your spouse actually is. Pray that you can start to see your mate through God’s eyes as you sit down with a pad of paper and think about:

• What makes your spouse happy, sad, or angry?
• What makes him hopeful or discouraged?
• What are your spouse’s strengths?
• What makes her feel loved and appreciated?
• What is your spouse afraid of?
• What is your spouse most proud of?
• Where is he afraid of failing?

If your marriage has hit a bitter place, how might encouraging words help the two of you re-establish an emotional connection? TWEET THAT!!!!!

Ephesians 4:29 asks believers to build “others up according to their needs.”  Pray about how you can pour words of love into your spouse’s hurts, bolster his strengths and affirm her as an individual.

Your goal should basically be to offer uplifting words and actions that buoy up your spouse as an individual to make them feel valued. When your spouse feels valued by you, they may feel safer with you and begin to open up to you. Focus on creating a pleasant, enjoyable, and safe environment for the times the two of you are together.

As you begin to apply these principles, spend time each day, asking God for wisdom. He has the answers. He can give you strength and discernment to do what is most effective and valuable.

Here’s more describing Linda’s book:

A home ripped apart by one spouse leaving reverberates with a host of unanswered questions. Simple answers don’t exist. Heartrending complexities do. In Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, award winning author, Linda Rooks brings hope for those who are separated by sharing practical answers, biblical wisdom, true stories of reconciled marriages, and her own reconciliation story after a three-year separation. If you are separated and willing to fight for your marriage, this transformative book is the book you’re looking for even if you’re fighting for your marriage alone.

TO ENTER THE DRAWING, make a comment on the blog post. Only USA addresses can win. The drawing closes on Sunday evening, August 15, 2021. UPDATE: The drawing is closed. Congratulations to Kim for winning the book!

Linda W. Rooks has a ministry of hope for those in broken marriages. Her award winning book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, and her earlier book, Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation walk with those in the midst of marital breakdown to bring hope and practical guidance to those desiring reconciliation. Linda writes for both adults and children, and her stories and articles have appeared in numerous publications including Chicken Soup for the Soul, Focus on the Family, HomeLife, and Today’s Christian Woman. Linda has participated in numerous radio and television interviews across the North American continent. She and her husband reside in Central Florida and thank God for the many reconciled marriages they witness through their ministry and the classes they lead.