Pornography is a difficult topic and for those whose husband is struggling or addicted to this vicious stronghold, there may not seem to be help. But God has empowered Vicki Tiede to write When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart to give hope and help. At the end of this post, I’ll tell you how to put your name into the drawing to receive a free copy of this book.
Here’s an interview with Vicki Tiede.
What led you to write a book about a husband addicted to pornography?
Since my first husband was addicted to pornography, I wrote this book because I want women to have a resource that specifically addresses her spiritual healing that only God can provide a woman.
What is the scope of this problem?
According to TopTenReviews.com, 28.8 million U.S. men regularly visit pornography websites. And 50-60{f65765d44da0bdf0a41fa9961eb42045133d946bf3cc534fe1ab1c919c81bf77} of Christian men struggle with addiction. Right now, pornography is among the leading causes of divorce in our country.
From a wife’s perspective, is there a difference between an addict and a more casual user?
The term “addiction” implies that there is a progression, tolerance, and an inability to stop the behavior even when there is a desire to stop. However, a “casual user,” indicates more than a single act and I would suggest that a “casual user” is already on the slippery slope of addiction. Pornography has a snowball effect; occasional visits to a porn site often slowly increases to frequency of visits and time.
To be honest, in my book I tell women that they should thank God if their husband is struggling with his addiction to pornography. That struggle is an indication that the Holy Spirit is at work. It’s when a husband feels no conviction for his sexual sin that hope seems harder to hold onto.
What would you say to a woman who has recently discovered that her husband is addicted to pornography?
She needs to take time to grieve her losses, including trust and financial security. When most people grieve losses, like a death, they are able to share their pain. Grief resulting from betrayal is usually very private, covered in secrecy and shame. I want women to know that they aren’t alone. I equip them to choose safe, healthy support networks.
Is there hope for that struggling marriage?
Absolutely. There is always hope because our God is a God of restoration and healing. Obviously, when a husband sees the need to repent, takes responsibility, and changes his behavior, there is more hope. But when he won’t acknowledge his sin, and he blames others (especially his wife), and doesn’t seek help, there’s more of a challenge. He must take action like changing computer behavior, getting an accountability partner, joining a support group, or getting counseling.
Will your book help women help their husbands?
My book is about healing her broken heart. God is the only one who can and will heal her husband if he is willing to work hard. When a woman is leaning on God and working to be spiritually and emotionally healthy, then she’s in a better position to support her husband.
What should a wife’s role be in helping her husband overcome an addiction to pornography?
She can…
- Work toward forgiveness. (This is a process, not an event!)
- Fix her eyes on God and credit Him for any improvements.
- Talk to her husband about true intimacy.
- Be extremely sensitive to sexually charged media or resources in their home.
- Remember only the Holy Spirit can convict. She is only responsible for her obedience to the Word of God. She is not responsible for her husband’s daily choices.
- Seek professional counseling.
What is your desire for your book?
More than anything, I want the reader to know she is not alone or abnormal in her experience. I include true, first-hand accounts from 26 other women who have successfully navigated sexual betrayal. Despite anything her husband or others might have told her, there is absolutely nothing she has done or not done that has caused her husband to choose pornography. Period.
I want every woman to know that her husband’s sexual addiction came as no surprise to Almighty God. He can and will do beautiful things with the broken pieces of her heart. I’ve been there. And I’m confident He will do it for them too.
From Kathy: I’m making a free copy of Vicki’s book available. I’ll put your name into the drawing if you post a comment on my blog or email me at Kathyspeak @ dc.rr.com (omit spaces). Because of the sensitive nature of this book’s topic, I won’t post the name of the winner. I MUST have your email address to alert you if you’ve won and find out your mailing address. If you post a comment on my blog, please also email me with your email address.
I’ll draw the winner on Monday, September 23th.
Thank you for this interview about such an important topic. I pray the Lord will use this to encourage women dealing with this problem in their marriage that they're not alone and that their are resources to help and heal.
Cathy, thanks for commenting that there is hope and help. I'm sure not every hurting wife in this situation knows that. And unfortunately, Satan is good at using secrecy and shame to keep the help away. We can let others know there is hope!