Does Forgiving Require Forgetting?

You’ll be glad to know the answer is NO! Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. It’s better for us if we can get to the point of forgetting–that’s true. But by definition, forgiving doesn’t require forgetting. How can we know that’s true biblically?

Would it help to mention the Apostle Paul? It usually does.

In Second Corinthians 11:23-28, Paul catalogues–remembers, rehearses, reminds his readers–of a long list of his sufferings from people and circumstances—all of which were allowed by God. Beatings, stoning, shipwrecks, hunger, danger, and stress from his concern for his spiritual flock. He is “rehearsing” his past, but only as a means of establishing his point, as led by the Holy Spirit.

But he doesn’t keep his focus there. He doesn’t continue to dwell upon his pain. He’s not using other people’s sins as fuel for any resentment. His list of hurts gives him a frame of reference from which to glorify God, but it doesn’t “captivate” him (2 Corinthians 10:5) and that’s why he’s not bitter about it. He sees the purpose in what happened to him and considers his difficulties insignificant in comparison to giving glory to God.

Author Warren Wiersbe gives us a valuable insight when he says, “Please keep in mind that in Bible terminology, ‘to forget’ does not mean to ‘fail to remember.’ Apart from senility, hypnosis, or a brain malfunction, no mature person can forget what has happened in the past. We may wish that we could erase certain bad memories, but we cannot. ‘To forget’ in the Bible means ‘no longer to be influenced by or affected by’.  (Be Joyful, Victor Books 1974, page 98).

We can remember the past without allowing it to hold us hostage. TWEET THAT!!!!!

Wiersbe continues by clarifying that forgetting the past “simply means that we break the power of the past by living for the future. We cannot change the past, but we can change the meaning of the past. There were things in Paul’s past that could have been weights to hold him back (I Timothy 1:12-17), but they became inspirations to speed him a head. The events did not change, but his understanding of them changed.” (Be Joyful, page 98).

Many of us aspire to forget the harmful things of the past. We think that will set us free. But that isn’t what Paul encourages us to do. In fact, there is value in remembering the past, even if it’s painful. If we remember our own past mistakes yet allow God‘s forgiveness to take away the sting, we will be less tempted to allow pride to influence us today. Being forgiven nurtures humility. Such humility will also help us respond in a godly fashion to being hurt by others.

Remembering our own past need for forgiveness also leads to compassion for others. TWEET THAT!!!

Whenever I start to be critical of a young mom trying to control her misbehaving children in the grocery store, the Holy Spirit taps my shoulder gently and says, “Look who’s talking. Remember where you came from?”

That gentle reminder allows me to reflect on the difficulties of being a young mom, rather than thinking every mother should react perfectly. Compassion replaces my critical spirit. If it were possible for me to forget my past sins, I wouldn’t be able to have that compassion.

Additionally, remembering past hurt, whether by self or others, will equip us to help and comfort others who have been similarly hurt. Second Corinthians 1:3-4 tells us the same thing. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” (ESV)

What we learn and remember from our past can be used to strengthen and uplift fellow strugglers.

As you and I testify to God’s power and deliverance regarding the healing of all our past wounds, or how he pulled us out of bitterness, or how he gives us joy though we’ve been misunderstood, He will receive the glory. If we could somehow forget what happened, He could not be given the praise for His work in our lives.

So remember the past, but allow God‘s grace to remove the sting.

Don’t misunderstand. Not fretting the past doesn’t mean we don’t allow ourselves to feel pain. We should deal with our emotions in a real and honest way. Whether we are grieving over a loss or dealing with anger towards someone who gossiped about us, burying those emotions will only cause them to resurface another time in an inappropriate way.

Giving ourselves permission to feel our feelings is an important part of the healing process. As we are honest before the Lord and surrender all our feelings to him, we will be strengthened to resist bitterness.

I’d love to hear from you! Does forgiving require forgetting?