Misunderstood? Three Victorious Principles to Peace and Joy
I hate being misunderstood!
I feel insecure, fearful, and out of control. I desperately want people to see me correctly so that they will be pleased with me. That’s called people pleasing!
(By the way, in case you didn’t get a chance to enter the drawing for Dr. Michelle Bengton’s book Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past is not Wasted, there’s still time. The drawing ends on July 14, 2024. Enter to WIN here:https://bit.ly/3zGb9QX)
Unfortunately, this dread of being misunderstand can steal my joy and peace.
Hate being misunderstood? Here are 3 principles for godly reactions to have #peace and #joy. #trustGod @ElkLakepubInc https://bit.ly/464vls2 Share on X
- Identify where the dangerous feelings of being misunderstood originated. When being misunderstood brings fear and anger, slow down and ask, “When did I experience a similar kind of misunderstanding or want to retaliate with anger?” Examine questions like, “Did I feel voiceless? Unheard? Maligned? Unsafe?”
If you relate to anything similar, you may feel like you are back being that wounded little girl. You may feel like all the resources and truth you currently trust about God is being thrown out the window. You are back to being voiceless, powerless, or without protection. The feelings are the same even though the situation is different. In those moments, God wants to assure you he loves you unconditionally, values you, protects you, and will never abandon you. He will help you respond to the current situation with peace and wisdom.
You are no longer a little girl thinking you are on your own.
2. Being misunderstood most often comes because the other person feels threatened in some way. Most of the time, she is reacting out of her own pain. She may feel rejected or worthless. Even if you make a mistake or react in a hurtful way, she is responsible before God for her own choices. He offers both of you the strength needed to make a wise choice. Don’t take her behavior personally. Reacting in anger only increases the problems.
3. Look to God Who Understands You and Believes the Truth About You. God totally understands you! We can’t expect anyone else to give us that.
Just think….you never have to explain yourself to God. You never have to convince him of your good intentions. God created you and knows you! Here’s proof:
O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. (Psalm 139:1-4)
Not only are we known as creations of God, when we are “in Christ,” the first chapter of Ephesians identifies us as loved, forgiven, blessed, redeemed, accepted, adopted, and many other truths. Make a list of who God says you are and post it in a prominent place. Reflect on it to gain strength and confidence.
Only believing those truths will counteract the atom bomb going off in our soul and minds when we feel misunderstood. Indeed, our audience of one—God himself—is still seeing us “in Christ” regardless of another person’s opinions.
God Will Fulfill His Will–Even if You Are Misunderstood
When I became a Christian at eighteen, I was thrilled. I wanted to tell everyone. I began sharing with my best friend, Linda, while we sat opposite each other on the twin beds in my bedroom. The more I talked, the farther Linda slid down from the bed onto the floor. She looked confused, even angry. In my nervousness, I kept talking while internally criticizing myself for not being able to say the right thing.
My mom must have been listening outside the door, because after a while she called to me, interrupting the conversation. The fact my mom was a Christian communicated I must be doing something wrong because otherwise she would be cheering me on.
I was never able to strike up a spiritual conversation again with Linda. I felt downhearted, wondering, If she goes to hell, will I be blamed? Why can’t I communicate well?
After several years, Linda and I lost touch. I continued to judge myself inadequate for not communicating well. I felt anger toward Linda that she had misunderstood me.
Wonder of wonders, decades later, Linda and I somehow became reconnected on Facebook. The first time we talked on the phone, I tried to hold back tears. “Linda, do you remember that day I shared about Jesus in my bedroom? I have felt horrible over the years that I couldn’t communicate clearly about God’s salvation. Will you forgive me? You looked so confused and upset.” I expected her to be angry with me.
She replied, “Kathy, are you kidding? No! I was only confused and didn’t know what to say. I wanted to do whatever it took like you had, but I didn’t know the right questions to ask. But guess what? I always remembered your words and while I was in the Navy, the chaplain went over how I could become a Christian. I received Christ as my Savior and Lord. I love the Lord and I’ve always considered you my spiritual mom.”
To say I was shocked was an understatement. All those years I had agonized over my words, blaming and condemning myself. To hear Linda’s words relieved my pain. It also reinforced the truths I learned about God’s sovereignty. If he wants someone to understand, he will make it happen. I don’t know why Linda’s understanding came later, but God’s timing said nothing about me.
Maybe you have a similar story. The stakes for being misunderstood were hefty. You blamed yourself.
Assure yourself of God’s loving view of you and his sovereign control over what happens, even when you are misunderstood.
What have you found helpful when being misunderstood threatens to diminish your peace and joy?
(Excerpt adapted from my book to be released in August, 2024: Anger Management: Jesus’ Style.)