I love book giveaways so much that I decided to host 2 this month! Also because I’m eager for you to hear about a very important book by Nancy C. Anderson called Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage” (Kregel 2017). Read below how to enter the drawing.
Do you think it’s possible for a marriage to continue after one of the spouses has had an affair? Nancy and Ron Andersen say yes. Just read this excerpt from Nancy’s book and be amazed at God’s power!
Can a Marriage Survive an Affair? Yes, Mine Did!
by Nancy C. Anderson
Hello, my name is Nancy, and I was a cheater. I’ve never cheated on a tax return or a final exam, but I did cheat on my husband. That’s why I’m an expert on infidelity—because I’ve lived it.
The “greener grass syndrome” has seduced many people into believing they’ll find true joy and fulfillment on the other side of the marital fence. I believed that lie.
Ron was twenty- six and I was twenty- two when we got married in 1978. Both of us thought that it was the other person’s job to “make me happy!” We soon found out that was impossible.
I complained and criticized my way through our first year, and then Ron retaliated with the “I’m a bad husband because you’re a bad wife” defense. He was controlling, demanding, and impatient. We both looked for ways to punish each other, and our anger and resentment grew until they overshadowed our love.
That’s when I met Jake. He thought I was beautiful, funny, and smart. He only saw the good in me, and he bathed me in compliments. We worked for the same company, so it was easy to spend time together. We started meeting for lunches, then dinners, and eventually . . . dessert.
TWEET THIS:
The truth is, marriage is both difficult and effortless, magnificent and excruciating, blissful and tedious. Sometimes it’s all those things within the same day—even within the same hour.
I know how hard it is to stay in a less- than- perfect marriage while TV talk shows and well- meaning friends are preaching the “you deserve to be happy” gospel. I looked for that verse in the Bible. Trust me—it’s not there.
In the first section of this book, you’ll read about the self- deception and lame excuses I resorted to for my unfaithfulness. You probably won’t like me very much, and I’m okay with that, as long as you keep reading and give me a chance to show you what a swell gal I am now.
You’ll also meet my mom and dad. My parents’ “tough love” led Ron and me to reconciliation. Without their intervention, I don’t know if we would have been able to see any hope for our future. Their prayers and insights led us to the door of forgiveness, and then we walked through it.
The second part of the book is about our recovery and the things we’ve learned in the past thirty-five years of rebuilding our marriage. We faced our faults, changed our behavior, and decided to love each other. The purpose of this book, then, is to give you hope and encouragement, and provide you with exciting ways to grow a fabulous, affair- proof marriage.
I want to show you how to grow the greenest grass in the universe—in your own back yard. TWEET THAT!
Your new friend,
Nancy
(copyright, used by permission, Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair Proof Marriages Around Your Marriage 2nd Edition by Nancy C Anderson, Kregel Publications 2017)
Thank you, Nancy, for sharing with us.
From Kathy: To enter the drawing (only US addresses can win), make a comment on this blog post or connect with me through the Contact page on my website. The drawing ends on Sunday night, March 25th.
“This groundbreaking book is a compelling chronicle of Nancy Anderson’s journey to the other side of the marital fence—and her return as a prodigal wife who found forgiveness and restoration. It also offers encouraging suggestions, real- life examples, and practical guidance for couples who want to predict, prevent, or pardon infidelity. Counselors and couples alike will benefit from the honest insights of a couple that has been there.”
—Rick Warren’s Ministry Toolbox
You can reach Nancy at www.NancyCAnderson.com
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/Greenergrasssyndrome/
Nancy C. Anderson ( www.NancyCAnderson.com) is an award-winning writer and speaker who is the author of Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome and a contributing writer of thirty other books, including six Chicken Soup for the Soul titles. She has written marriage articles for Crosswalk.com, CBN.com, Charisma.com and FamilyLife.com Nancy has been featured in national media such as The Huffington Post, The 700 Club, WORLD Magazine, Our Daily Bread and FamilyLife Today. She lives in Orange County, California with her husband of 40 years and their son, Nick.
I am going to be leading a small group from my church, and this topic is the kind of practical Christian edification that is sorely needed. I was just thinking about how marriages are constantly under attack by the enemy. How many times do you find yourself stinking thinking about what your spouse does or doesn’t do? That’s from a bad place, and the plan is to get us to act on it. This book fortifies the strongest institution in the world, second to His church.
Chris, I’m so glad, and I know Nancy and Ron are also, to hear of your dedication in strengthening marriages. Keep up the great work! I’ve put your name into the drawing.
Thank you much, Kathy! I love it when people allow God to use their trials to build up others. If only we all could be so transparent! God Bless.
Thank you, Chris, for your encouraging words. I have a feeling you are also transparent. Usually the transparent ones are the ones who appreciate it in others. Thanks again for stopping by.
Chris, you are right! It’s easy to catch the Greener Grass Syndrome. You are doing important work by leading a small group and speaking about the importance of keeping families and marriages strong and healthy.
Thank you for the encouragement Nancy. Do you all have a video series for this book? A curriculum, even?
I have always struggled with this topic..in thatif it even happened..what would I do? My head says leave but my heart say another. This book would definitely be a good read!
Lillian, always a treat to see your name on the comments. I’ve put your name into the drawing. This topic is indeed a hard one and we do wonder what our reaction would be. Everyone would benefit from reading this even if they believe the possibility of infidelity is impossible, because Nancy really does help any marriage to grow stronger.
Hi Lillian, Thank you for your honesty. It’s hard to know what we would do in any crisis, but I think that being prepared helps. That’s why the book’s subtitle is How to Grow Affair Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage. It’s all about prevention! Having those hedges (boundaries) in place will lessen the likelihood of marital disaster. Couples with good marriages can be even better with these safeguards in place
Ohhhhhhh yes yes yes!!!! Definitely want to be in the drawings!!!!! GREAT stuff here!!!
Nicci, thanks so much for your faithful participation. I’ve put your name into the drawing and I know you’ll find Nancy’s book “great stuff.” Hope you’ll buy it even if you don’t win. God bless you!
Dear Kathy/Nancy,
Prior to reading this blog about Nancy’s book I was convinced that there’s no way a marriage can recover from infidelity. My first marriage ended in divorce because my husband was unfaithful and tried as I did, I just couldn’t trust him again. For the infidelity but also because he was a compulsive liar. Looking back now though I do see God’s hand in it. I was not saved then but already then God was working in my life. I have also come to understand why I had the miscarriage. Now I (a city girl from Johannesburg South Africa) am married to a Godly man from Mississippi and I know that God has orchestrated this “chance” meeting. Unfortunately I have “trust issues”. I am trying to align my mind with the “truth of God’s word but coming from an abusive childhood and relationships my natural inclination is to build walls and to try and protect myself from more hurt. If there is a way to overcome this, I would like to know how. I know with God nothing is impossible, I just haven’t experienced overcoming some of my biggest obstacles in life. I have always told my husband that I will leave if he’s ever unfaithful because I won’t be able to put the pieces back together and because God’s word allows a divorce in this one instance. Nancy I commend you for using this experience as your testimony and showing people that “love covers a multitude of sin” (1 Peter 4:8). And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13). I believe your book will help me to overcome a lot of my insecurities and fears. I would love to read it. In any relationship I believe that “the grass is greener where you water it”. If more people understood this, less people will think that the grass is greener on the other side 🙂
Louisa, Thank you so very much for sharing your story. I know that Nancy’s book will help you. If you don’t win the drawing, I hope you’ll purchase her book. Or even better, go ahead and purchase it now and if you win, you can always pass it along to someone else.
I’m rejoicing in God’s work in your life and how He has led you to a godly man. I sure understand your trust issues. I trust the Lord will continue to heal you. And as a lay counselor, I’ve found that the trust issues start in childhood and add to the adult wounds and betrayals we experience. I trust the Lord is working even more than you realize. Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. God bless you!
Dear Louisa, I’m so sorry you went though those troubled times and I understand why you would be hesitant to trust again, but I know that the Lord can restore hope and faith in all of us.
My husband was able to give me the undeserved gift of forgiveness, but I earned his trust back by changing my behavior and letting him into all areas of my life: no secrets.
We slowly rebuilt our lives and our marriage on the Rock of Jesus and now we encourage others to do the same. I’m proud of you for persevering in the face of your obstacles and for leaning into the arms of the Lord.
I think the book will help you find ways to strengthen your marriage and have the greenest grass in town. Blessings to you as you serve Him, Nancy
I’ve never personally dealt with infidelity. However, I could share this book with someone who has. Thanks for the chance to win a copy.
Julie, Thanks for your thoughtfulness in helping another couple. The book, however, is not just for troubled marriages, but for good ones too. I offer suggestions in several areas: communication, date nights, how to help each other spiritually, understanding our differences. Marriage is all about adapting to curve balls while still holding hands. Blessings to you, Nancy
Hi Julie, Great idea to pass it along to others. And as Nancy says, this book will help every couple with practical ideas and godly principles anyone can apply. I’ve put you into the drawing. Thanks so much for your faithful participation.
sounds amazing.
Hello, Anne, thanks for stopping by. Nancy’s book truly is amazing. I’ve put your name into the drawing. Blessing to you!
Congratulations, Anne! You are the winner of Nancy’s book. I’m so excited for you! I will give your information to Nancy and she will be in contact. Thank you again for coming to my blog and participating.
One of my good friends has been going through this situation, and I know she’d love if I gifted this book to her!
Annmarie, what a great idea. Thank you for your generosity to think of your friend. I’ve put your name into the drawing!
Amazing how your marriage survived. It can be a stressful hard thing to deal with!
You are right, KJ. God is truly glorified in Nancy’s book and in Nancy and Ron’s marriage. God is creative at using the pain we each go through. I’ve put your name into the drawing. Thanks so much for commenting.
Thanks for the chance, interesting!
Thanks for being a part of the drawing, Kelly. Blessings to you!
This is a topic that I’ve dealt with for many years. Now that I am middle-aged, oh boy actually said it out loud LOL, you have to find ways to keep your relationships alive. Unfortunately in my past I have been with someone who thought the grass was greener on the other side. They were shocked when I walked away. It’s funny that was 15 years ago and still I wonder what could’ve been and I believe it hinders my current relationship now. I can’t wait wait to read this weather I win it or buy it I believe it something I need to read. Thank you
Michelle, I love your sense of humor and I relate to middle-aged. I’m saddened to hear of what you experienced. Thank you for being willing to read Nancy’s book regardless of what it takes: win or buy.