Satan is a master of lies and secret strategies for destroying us.
We must be alert to his tactics. Here’s one. I’m interested in hearing whether you’ve noticed this one before.
Look at the contrast between the following statements:
- My husband never takes out the trash.
- My daughter never says please.
- My boss never compliments me.
- My friend always disappoints me.
What is Satan’s sneaky secret for turning truth into lies? “Absolute” words. Absolute words are words that create a perspective of “all or nothing.” Here are some of those kinds of words:
- all the time
- every time
- never
- always
- constantly
Those words discourage, condemn, and give support for responding with ungodly responses. They steal hope, are perfectionistic, and create anger. After all, if a person has never done anything right, we feel justified in believing they will never change and maybe even hate us. We can’t believe they will ever change.
I know all about this because I cooperated with Satan’s sneaky strategy for years and it almost destroyed my life, marriage, and relationship with my daughter.
Only God’s intervention enlightened my thinking to discover how “absolute” words affected me. I realized I saw other people and life through a cloud of perfectionistic thinking. I couldn’t give any credit to anyone, even God, for whatever they did that was right or loving.
But in time, I changed my words. Here’s how the phrases changed:
- My husband sometimes forgets to take out the trash but I sometimes forget to do things he likes. Come to think of it, he did take out the trash when I asked a few weeks ago.
- My daughter doesn’t say please as often as I’d like but she’s still a toddler and that’s something she will learn as I faithfully teach her.
- My boss never compliments me and actually that’s true. But even if he doesn’t, God knows my efforts and he affirms me as His servant. I don’t need my boss’s approval because I have God’s.
- My friend is imperfect like me so she is going to disappoint me just like I have disappointed her. Satan wants to use my disappointment to destroy a friendship and bring dishonor to my King. I’m going to focus on the good things she’s done.
In each of these examples, we must give grace knowing no one is perfect and we are first on the list. That’s why God’s gracious love sent Jesus. The way to give grace is to omit the “absolute” words from our thinking and talking. To give credit for even a small change or small action.
How do you stop perfectionistic thinking with “absolute” words? I’d love to hear.
My book, No More Anger: Hope for an Out-of-Control Mom gives more details about how God helped me identify the destruction of “absolute” words, along with many other ideas for overcoming parenting frustration and perfectionism. Check out more information here.
Well said ma’am. We are well-served to remember how much grace and mercy our Lord has shown to us. Doing so certainly moves us closer to where He wants us to be. God’s blessings Ms. Kathy.
Thank you, J.D. We are indeed completely dependent upon his grace and mercy. I’m so glad God has called you to minister to others with that kind of wisdom: http://www.jdwininger.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Our memory suffers from bias. We remember too well those who hurt us and good things we have done. We don’t remember well enough the good things God and others have done for us and the hurtful things we have done.
Thank you, Bob! So true. If only we could remember that in the fog of hurt at the moment. But there is always hope and every time we make a wise choice, we are investing in surrender to follow God’s leading the next time. Thanks for sharing! I praise God for your ministry: http://www.themarriagedance.com. You help couples do what you just said!