I Wouldn’t Want to be Married to Me!

Although my husband Larry isn’t perfect (I had to get that in), he is a better spouse than I am.

• I become angry easily
• my tone can be sarcastic
• I hold grudges
• I look for ways to be offended
• I have a hard time giving him credit for the ways he loves me
• and …. Oh boy, I think I’m gonna stop.

I’m sure you want to comfort me right now and assure me I’m not that bad. No need, I don’t feel that bad! God has done a great work in my life and I know I’m so much better than I used to be. Larry and I will celebrate our 52nd anniversary this month and God has done impressive things in our transformations. We are both shocked and thrilled in the work God has done–to His praise and glory.

But here’s the thing, the purpose of this post isn’t a comparison between Larry and me. Nor is my goal to invite you to compare yourself to your spouse. My goal is to help us evaluate our weaknesses so that we can receive God’s power to be more godly in all of life. TWEET THAT!!!!

The best way to do that is to evaluate ourselves based on the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23):

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

So here’s the challenge. As you go through the descriptions of the ways we might not be living out each of these “fruit,” determine with a number between 1-5 for each one how you’re doing within your marriage and/or within life. If for instance, you read the characteristics of the “opposite” of loving (apathy, hate, people pleasing, not wanting best for another, etc), to what degree are you not loving? If you strongly relate to the unloving descriptions, choose 1-3. If you resist responding in those unloving ways, give yourself a 4 or 5. We’re not talking “all or nothing” here. This is on a scale. Don’t be too hard on yourself either. None of us are totally good or bad.

• Instead of being loving, we’re apathetic, maybe even hateful. We rescue, people please, and basically don’t want the best for the other person. We might even punish through withdrawal.

• Instead of being joyful, we’re unhappy, discontented, disgruntled and ungrateful. 

• Instead of being peaceful, we’re unsettled, worried and tense. 

• Instead of being patient, we’re frustrated and have unrealistic expectations. 

• Instead of being kind, we’re mean-spirited and critical, unsympathetic and lacking in compassion. Our actions are rough and disrespectful of a person’s dignity. 

• Instead of being good, we’re selfish and self-centered, demanding our own way.

• Instead of being gentle, we’re harsh and disregard the emotions and needs of others.

• Instead of being faithful, we’re dishonest, disloyal and undependable.

• Instead of having self control, we are reckless, out of control, and held in bondage by anything that seems to make our life better.

After adding up your scores, you’ll realize the highest scores are the best. How do you feel about your score?

Then pick from one of the lowest categories (unloving? impatient?) and for the next week, notice when you respond most often in that ungodly way. Try to think through why that ungodly reaction occurred. Are there similar circumstances between those situations? Does the situation remind you of any childhood experience? What did you fear when that growing-up “wound” occurred?

(Many of these thoughts are from Larry and my book Never Ever Be the Same. If you want more help evaluating how your past impacts your current responses, you’ll find help in that.)

Finally, take whatever God reveals from your evaluations and ask Him to help you concentrate for the next week to surrender to His Lordship in that area of your life. Although I hope you never want to be married to yourself, (believe me, you’ll never be that holy), I trust this little spiritual exercise will make your spouse more grateful he or she is married to you!