The Surprising Things Mononucleosis Taught Me (Part 1 of 4 posts)
Click here for Post #2: What defines you?
Click here for Post #3: How Lydia gained her inheritance in Christ
Click here for Post #4: How Ephesians 1 defines who you are in Christ
Well, really, I should say, “How God used mononucleosis in my life for good.” Here’s what happened.
I remember the summer I felt constantly tired. I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t have any energy. Because I had a deadline for a book, I forced myself to continue writing every day. Eventually, however, I became so drained that I made a doctor’s appointment. Through a blood test, he diagnosed me with mononucleosis.
When I inquired how long it might last, my doctor said it was different for each person. I hoped my body could fight it quickly. That book still needed to be finished and I had many wonderful speaking engagements scheduled for the Fall. I just couldn’t imagine not making my deadline or fulfilling my speaking commitments. And the thought of being inactive was very threatening. I thought, “I love what I do too much. It’s who I am. How will I feel about myself if I can’t accomplish my commitments?”
Plus, I couldn’t imagine the Lord not wanting me to keep the speaking engagements He’d given me. Being dependable is very important to me. If I cancel an event, won’t that mean I am undependable? Can I allow people to think that way about me? Certainly that wouldn’t glorify God.
All these thoughts and confused feelings swirled in my mind and heart as I contemplated the repercussions of my illness. TWEET THAT!!!!!
In the midst of my speculations, I realized I had little choice. I had no energy! Absolutely no energy. I could hardly move without feeling completely exhausted. Unanswered emails grew in my inbox. My manuscript languished. My family wanted attention I couldn’t give. Empty feelings of uselessness pecked away at my self-image. I can’t do anything. I can’t accomplish anything. What good am I?
As one week and then several weeks passed and I didn’t feel any better, I began to understand this was going to be a long struggle. Lord, you know how much I enjoy getting things done. I hate to say it, but I base a lot of my self-image and identity on all that. Can I handle this?
I knew that if this had happened years earlier, I would have drowned in feelings of uselessness. But over many years, God had already been teaching me that my identity was not based in “doing,” but “being” a child of His.
Now would I pass the test? How would I deal with this season of inactivity?
As I spent most of my time sleeping or reading, the earthly idea would bother me that I was insignificant without accomplishments. But deep down I continued reminding myself that my value was in God’s unconditional love for me. I recognized in a fresh way that all my work and ministry was not the most important thing about me. God didn’t need me to be doing things. What He valued was my fellowship with Him. He wanted me to surrender another, deeper layer of knowing my true identity was “in Christ,” not in activity or accomplishments.
My weeks in bed—and then a gradual strengthening over a course of nine months—taught me a lot. I learned again, as I must over and over, that I could count all my work, ministry, and accomplishments “a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord,” just as the apostle Paul said:
“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.” (Philippians 3:8-11 ESV) Paul’s use of the word “count” has the sense of “evaluate or assess.”
Paul evaluated everything he had before Christ and everything he gained through knowing Christ, and he could say without a doubt that the present knowledge of Christ was far superior.
In fact, he considered everything from “B.C.” (Before Christ) rubbish! That strong word is the same as “excrement, food thrown away which is useless and actually contaminating and harmful.”
I think it’s significant that Paul’s words in Philippians were penned thirty years after his Damascus road experience. We’re not talking about new convert excitement here.
Paul remembers what his earthly perspective involved, and yet through thirty years of “evaluation” he confirmed that Christ offers the best. TWEET THAT!!!
I look back on my season of “being still and knowing God” and consider it a precious experience of deepening my intimacy with Him through silence and inactivity. I am encouraged to know that the important thing in life is to focus not on my accomplishments, but on my inheritance in Christ as a princess of the King.
Loved this post Ms. Kathy. So often we want what we think God wants us to have that we become blinded to what He actually wants for us. What a great reminder ma’am, that in this dance we call life, we have to let God lead.
Exactly, J.D.!!!!! Our human and cultural belief is that “love” and “good” mean no problems, etc, etc. I’m glad God is wiser. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.